Why the title, Joy Comes In The Morning? Let me share with you what God has brought me through and then maybe I can answer that question. I pray it will be an encouragement to you.
I write this testimony, not for pity or attention, but to give God the glory for what he has brought me through. I am a survivor and want to encourage others that it is possible to go through dark times and come out on the other side and find joy.
I was raised in a Bible believing home. My parents had us in church every day the doors were opened. I learned early in life to make God a part of my life. I accepted Christ as my personal Savior as a child. I state this, because even in this environment, I was the victim of evil. Early in my childhood around age 4 or 5, until around the age of 12 or 13, I was sexually molested by a trusted person. I was too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone in authority. I kept telling myself, "no one would believe me". As I got older, I reasoned with myself that I could push this to the back of my mind and not let it bother me.
As a result of this heinous act, I made poor choices. My self image was so low, that it affected everything I did or did not do. I was afraid to go after my interests and desires that God had given me for fear of failure or rejection. I was afraid of people and what they thought of me.
Anger and bitterness grew like a weed and consumed me, along with guilt and shame. In a way, I was blaming myself. In my head, I knew I was a victim, but I could not convince my heart to believe it.
Throughout my adult years, I would get to a point where I would think, "I need to get help for this", but would continue to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I was afraid of counseling, because I would have to tell someone everything about me. For those who know me, this was no simple task. I was not a conversationalist and getting me to talk was like pulling teeth. I could not fathom opening up and letting it all out.
I slowly and gradually pulled away from my family and friends emotionally. I could fake normalcy for a while, but eventually I was so far into a pit, that I couldn't get out. By March of 2008, I had reached a breaking point and sought out help for the sake of my family. I had no desire to live. I sought out a Christian counselor. Little did I know that God's hand was in this process.
All this time I was believing Satan's lies. I did not think that God could love me. I believed I was worthless and I couldn't forgive myself for my past. I didn’t believe that God could forgive me. Counseling was long and hard, but worth every second.
I am elated to say, that I KNOW God has forgiven me. He does love me unconditionally. He sent his Son to die for me and my sin. No, I don't deserve his love and forgiveness, but he gave it to me anyway. Wow, I am precious in His sight! I know the abuse was not my fault. I have dealt with it and have been able to forgive the abuser. It is an ongoing process, because the enemy likes to remind me, but I just remind him and myself that I have put it behind me and have already forgiven. What a freeing experience!
God is Sovereign and does not allow anything to happen to us without being able to use it for his glory. That is what I am dedicated to do with my story. I am living proof that Joy does come in the morning. This is the morning after a long dark night and God is my strength and joy. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. What Satan intended for evil, God will use for good!
I pray that God will use this blog to encourage you as you face dark nights in your life. I encourage you to turn to God and don't be afraid or too proud to seek counseling. I may not be here today without it.
God has given all of us gifts and talents. We are responsible to use those gifts and talents for Him. Through counseling I have discovered some of those gifts and talents that God has given me. One of those is drawing. I am completely self taught and still have a lot to learn in this area, but I want to use it for Him. I will be sharing some of the sketches I draw on this blog. The ideas for some of these pictures are a testimony of where I had been and where I am now.
