Why?

Why the title, Joy Comes In The Morning?  Let me share with you what God has brought me through and then maybe I can answer that question.  I pray it will be an encouragement to you.

I write this testimony, not for pity or attention, but to give God the glory for what he has brought me through.  I am a survivor and want to encourage others that it is possible to go through dark times and come out on the other side and find joy.

I was raised in a Bible believing home.  My parents had us in church every day the doors were opened.  I learned early in life to make God a part of my life.  I accepted Christ as my personal Savior as a child.  I state this, because even in this environment, I was the victim of evil.  Early in my childhood around age 4 or 5, until around the age of 12 or 13, I was sexually molested by a trusted person.  I was too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone in authority.  I kept telling myself, "no one would believe me".  As I got older, I reasoned with myself that I could push this to the back of my mind and not let it bother me.

As a result of this heinous act, I made poor choices.  My self image was so low, that it affected everything I did or did not do.  I was afraid to go after my interests and desires that God had given me for fear of failure or rejection.  I was afraid of people and what they thought of me.

Anger and bitterness grew like a weed and consumed me, along with guilt and shame.  In a way, I was blaming myself.  In my head, I knew I was a victim, but I could not convince my heart to believe it.

Throughout my adult years, I would get to a point where I would think, "I need to get help for this", but would continue to push those thoughts to the back of my mind.  I was afraid of counseling, because I would have to tell someone everything about me.  For those who know me, this was no simple task.  I was not a conversationalist and getting me to talk was like pulling teeth.  I could not fathom opening up and letting it all out. 

I slowly and gradually pulled away from my family and friends emotionally.  I could fake normalcy for a while, but eventually I was so far into a pit, that I couldn't get out.  By March of 2008, I had reached a breaking point and sought out help for the sake of my family.  I had no desire to live.  I sought out a Christian counselor.  Little did I know that God's hand was in this process.

All this time I was believing Satan's lies.  I did not think that God could love me.  I believed I was worthless and I couldn't forgive myself for my past.  I didn’t believe that God could forgive me.  Counseling was long and hard, but worth every second.

I am elated to say, that I KNOW God has forgiven me.  He does love me unconditionally.  He sent his Son to die for me and my sin.  No, I don't deserve his love and forgiveness, but he gave it to me anyway.  Wow, I am precious in His sight!  I know the abuse was not my fault.  I have dealt with it and have been able to forgive the abuser.  It is an ongoing process, because the enemy likes to remind me, but I just remind him and myself that I have put it behind me and have already forgiven.  What a freeing experience!

God is Sovereign and does not allow anything to happen to us without being able to use it for his glory.  That is what I am dedicated to do with my story.  I am living proof that Joy does come in the morning.  This is the morning after a long dark night and God is my strength and joy.  I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.  What Satan intended for evil, God will use for good!

I pray that God will use this blog to encourage you as you face dark nights in your life.  I encourage you to turn to God and don't be afraid or too proud to seek counseling.  I may not be here today without it.

God has given all of us gifts and talents.  We are responsible to use those gifts and talents for Him.  Through counseling I have discovered some of those gifts and talents that God has given me.  One of those is drawing.  I am completely self taught and still have a lot to learn in this area, but I want to use it for Him.  I will be sharing some of the sketches I draw on this blog.  The ideas for some of these pictures are a testimony of where I had been and where I am now.